Autism, Lifestyle, Mental Illness

Lovely Boosts of Confidence

I have always loved to write. I have always loved to read. I didn’t read very much as a child, which isn’t something I admit often, because I would only stick to the authors that I knew and I wouldn’t branch out. These authors were Jacqueline Wilson and Cathy Cassidy. Especially Jacqueline Wilson, as she wrote books surrounding problematic families and problematic children. She even, occasionally, wrote about fat children. All of these categories, I fit. Not that Cathy Cassidy didn’t, but her books had a more light-hearted and fluffy feel to them.

The moment where I captured this dream, though, was during primary school. Oddly. Primary school and early secondary school were the key moments of where teachers thought I was useless and didn’t even try to understand the core of my behavior problems. We were told to write a piece on My Secret Garden (a book, of which, I still haven’t read)and it was short and sweet but published in a local newspaper. My mother still has it somewhere.

It was that moment on that I thought “Hey, maybe I’m not shit at everything”. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Whatever I liked, whenever I liked, it was on paper at some point. I started to journal frequently, too, around fourteen/fifteen (and I’ve already started writing posts about my journals, I love talking about them). But, maybe when I joined English Literature A Levels I realized that I wasn’t as good at writing as I thought I was. My biggest problem is that I can’t seem to make words flow into one another.

I’ve just had a major confidence boost that makes me think I can have a serious try at creative writing again.

I joined a confession Facebook group that some of my friends were in that I thought might be interesting. I’ve touched on this before but my only reals means of proper, satisfying socializing is through medias online.

I made a post on it the night before last that explained how autism was hard to live with, but it was hard for me also to deal with the way people spoke about it. I was mostly being passive aggressive towards a post made in that group saying how she hated autism (not what it did to her son, but what it did to her and how she hated the whole autistic spectrum because of it). It goes without saying why this post was harmful and extremely offensive. However, she was met with nothing but sympathy and only other group members with autism could see the harm in what she just said. What she thinks she had the right to say. My post basically explained why I love autism:

Facebook Post on Autism #1
*NOTE* my parents aren’t bad parents, they’ve done/said some things that they perhaps didn’t know the consequences of but this was no attack on them

Facebook Post on Autism #2

Facebook Post on Autism #3

This was just a statement, back at the woman who made the “I Hate Autism” post and anyone like her, that autism is not JUST a bad thing that only enforces on you bad things. It’s also a statement that autism is really, really hard to deal with. Saying that, I haven’t met a single adult autistic person yet who has said that they would cure it given the chance.

Despite the statement that potentially could or could not come across as aggressive, the comments I received on this were overwhelmingly positive. This was perhaps because I included a TW at the top of the post (not seen in these screenshots) that I was about to talk about autism and others may see it as an attack, and I wasn’t going to entertain those comments. Amazingly, I was listened to.

What really took me by surprise, though, was how every other comment said I should start a blog (I did explain this one existed but I don’t want to share it because I don’t even write in the same style, although my more passionate posts are written better, such as Fatphobia and Autism and the Incredibles). Some even said I should write a book which I had actually considered doing for quite some time – a book that would obviously be centered on autism and feminism. Two of my biggest ‘passions’.

My moral here is that saying nice things can and will stick in someones head. They might be the thing that encourages them to do something that scares them. Encourage them to make a turning point, encourage them to look at themselves in a different way. Your comment can be bulked onto another and then another and become the hand that helps raise them up.




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