I can’t even remember what I have written about before and what I haven’t. I have an awful memory. However, I do think I have probably touched upon how I love to write before considering that’s what the world of blogging and reading does tend to revolve around somewhat. I’ve wanted to write since I was a child and, although I still have some examples of my writing on my USB sticks from my school days, I’ve mostly lost everything I have written. I wouldn’t say I’ve improved, though, I would say I’ve gone back.
The reason I stopped was because my A Levels English Literature teacher (who, in the years I was doing my A Levels, became promoted to Head of the English Department) was incredibly un-motivating. My writing never got suggested improvements. My intelligence on how to take apart books and write about them was poor and, even now, is poor (a reason why I generally don’t write book reviews that aren’t quick summaries on my thoughts/opinions/feelings). Again, he wasn’t helpful about that, he gave up on me and saw me as a no hope cause. He tried to discourage me from continuing because, I think, he just didn’t like teaching me. Not just him, though, the other students were clearly on a much higher level than me despite being younger and it really knocked my confidence.
Joining college also takes a lot more energy from me than I ever thought it would. A lot of people. They are long hours (for me). I wake up at 7am, leave at 8 and get there by 9 as I walk. I don’t leave until four and it takes me an hour to talk home, and that’s five. I make and eat food by six. I try to wind down for a bit, too, and then it’s relatively ‘late’ in the afternoon. Luckily, I’m only in from Monday to Thursday. From Thursday afternoons until Sunday afternoon, I’m with my boyfriend and not very much productivity happens then as I’m usually quite busy. Spending a majority of my time not home is exhausting (especially with being autistic/having depression/having social and generalized anxiety).
I have always wanted to write a book, though, with an autistic main character. The representation the media currently has of autism is incredibly undiverse. The most representation we ever get is a man, who is usually smart and terribly anti-social and/or eccentric or we get a little six year old boy who can’t speak hooked on his Gameboy with high intelligence. Both of these people in the autistic community exist. It’s not wrong. But for it to take up so much space of the representation that we get is not okay. Where are the females? Transgender? Gay/bi/pan/other? Asexuals? (can be argued that autistic people are seen as not being romantically or sexually attracted to others) Autistic with other disabilities or chronic illnesses? People of colour? Autistic people speaking away from the influence of others, like having their parents speak for them? Heck, at this point, if they gave an autistic character different personality traits I’d consider this a revolution.
For this reason, and for the reason that I want people like me to feel represented and understood and less alone, maybe it’s time to finally write that book I’ve had no confidence to write with, hopefully, a good representation of all I choose to include in this book (because boy am I annoyed that there’s such a lack of good rep out there). It’s not just my voice. I want to pull opinions from other sources, too. I am bisexual and after all these years I still haven’t figured out if I’m asexual or not but that’s as far as my personal understanding for the LGBT community goes. I am white, I have no experience with being of colour, so writing about racism is not in my lane but I can still include POC. Etc, etc.
I’ll give updates here and there as I go along. I’m quite excited. It doesn’t matter to be if it sells well, it’s my own personal accomplishment and I hope it gets in the hands of the right people who can benefit from reading something like this.